He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
