she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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