Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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