tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
