You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All the doctor said was why
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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