im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i already hear my dad disowning me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
