Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
