no, he came in my armpit
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
