i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
