yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
