I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
