woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
