K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
