I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
