Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
