your parents love me but you hate me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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