Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
