It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
