Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
