Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i don't like sucking hair
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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