You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Alive.
So much puke
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
