DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
