can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My dick has a subreddit
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
