I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
