remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Found the puke drawer
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
