My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize