I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
