I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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