I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
