He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
