i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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