he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
