this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
