Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
