Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
