Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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