i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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