dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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