obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
