Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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