For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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