..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Houston, we have a squirter
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
