That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
