And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
