So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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