I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
