moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
