she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
