I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
