i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
