I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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